lucky in love and all that jazz.

31 valentines i've spent so far. just shy of, anyway.
beautiful plans tomorrow for margaritas and music, and smiling and surprises.
to think back on loves gone lost i ponder what they taught me.
he, that love never really dies, it can only travel south.
and that love alone is not enough, distance does matter,
and our greater wishes for each other's happiness is
the tragic finale of what once was.
the almond eyes were so sad of the other one...
he reminds me of the risk of love,
and the guilt that can consume
when things go awry.
that many long years are not necessarily safeguards to matters of the heart.
her anxiety could spin the calmest person into calamity.
and create such an intense tug of war with the losing side of fate.
his blue eyes raged at me
they showed me the underbelly of love.
the pain and the fear that can exist there.
four loves lost.
many more have caught my eye along the way, and a few tugged at my heart.
and now i look deeply into the face of my boo and even my eyes that have seen so much
cannot stop gazing...
i never thought i'd stop the party. i never thought i'd be this girl again.
only it's different this time.
it's so strange to feel so happy, and not because it's my duty or my vow,
but because i love the moments we spend together, and in my most irritated moment with him, not imagining wanting him anywhere but at my side, annoying me.
it's experiencing jealousy for the first time in the most intriguing way.
it's not showing my boobs in shirts like i have my whole life,
and not having issue with it.
it's inside jokes, and using soft voices, and gentle touch, and wrestling without fear...
it's real communication, it's comradery, it's feeling partnered. it's having a past, and a future.
it's. really nice. (: