i know what it is to be in need and what it is to have plenty

wake up at noon
sweating in a shared room
keep costs low
try to keep my head high
pay cheap rent
try or die
tummy growls
dog barks
cats meow
what do i do now?
hold off eating til two or three
then use that $5 allotment to eat
hit the street
quarter of a quarter tank of gas
car don't die on me
how am i gonna get through this-
forty ounces to free
oh shit, it was supposed to be beer?
alcohol response curve
here, but not "here"
blacking out and passing out
alcohol- self-destruction
"What's the worst thing i did last night?"
gain some comprehention
'oh, she's just a retarded drunk'
bitch, i'll give you a lesson
or a lecture
on a philosopher
or a lover of wisdom
and people think they know me, or
understand the situation
think they realize the type
of dragon that i'm chasin
dirt under my nails
unpedicured feet
walking with a swag anyway
heels hit the street.
not a stranger to doubt,
born to be a cynic
started up at school again-
already got clients in the clinic.
haters gotta hate
it's they goddamned job
people talk shit-
take the mentality of the mob.
katt taught me to let go when feeling dogged.
shakes show up at 8
jaw tightens
thoughts race
mind sprints
chase the of the bottle,
add some soda to taste.
friends become enemies
and lines get crossed
talkin shit and next thing you know
another homie lost.
found some change in my pocket and
get another beer.
walls start spinning
how did i get here?
betrayel oozes out of pores and stares
me in my eyes
as i rehearse the types of words i'd scream in my replies.
it's hard to reawaken from a horrible dream
hard to accept the world is just a giant scheme.
hard to really really know they were what they seemed.
haters and hustlers
can be rich or poor
and i see my whole self
bruises, cuts, and sores
brain been beaten and
once a month i cry
tell the people i love the most
to fuck off and let me die.
everythings a test with me
pass or fail
i don't try to game my friends
just keep em out of jail.
monopolies and chemistry
sex, money, cash, hoes.
struggling to find myself
a bitch amongst bros.
been called crazy more than my goddamned name
wild mustang
impossible to tame
black widow mark
fairly warned
RIP to my marriage
got 8 years to mourn.
ph.Ds and ghetto queens
a foot in different worlds
and everyday i hesitate
cuz i'm just a girl.
everybody got an opinion
on appropriate behavior
some people hella trip
thinkin we need a savior.
some people move away but
i'm gonna stay here
strugglin and thrivin
singin, drinkin, drivin,
nail-biting,
knuckle cracking,
clenched teeth, can't sleep
hungry- no food to eat
looking at the fridge don't make food appear
checking my online bank account don't put any money there
flirt with self-destruction
heart beats slow
disappear without a care
faster than dude can check a ho!
"kid, you're killing yourself."
"well, duh, so?"
yeah- i know
life goes on even though
people swing and i duck
it's hard to be okay everyday
when you be broke as FUCK!