i remember when i lost my mind. there was something so pleasant about that place.

one of my friends is on the verge of spiritual awakening. spirit to me, is the emotive infusion weaved in the biology of human being. it seems as if she sees the world in a new way- or that, she is understanding the way the world works for the first time. i'd call it a feminist awakening but then people would begin stereotyping and being douchebags.

she is ten years my senior, beautiful, engaging, compassionate, hopeful. eager.

she's losing her mind.

and she's gaining her soul.

soul to me, is the collective organization of ideas, beliefs, values, ethics, memories, lyrics, paintings, jokes~ the creative and feeling part of the brain.
she is understanding privilege for the first time.
she is recognizing patriarchy, and its effects.
she is becoming aware of power differentials, and the abuse of them.
she is noticing the ways in which society invents myths about women, calls them truths, and then reinforces these 'truths.'
she has been made to feel guilty, small, subservient, voiceless.
she has been stifled, stunted, and disempowered.

she's fucking pissed.

watching her growth has been a pleasure. knowing that much of her cognitive awareness and mindset expansion is associated with me? my pride. she has taken to calling me her "life coach." and though some of you may question my abilities, i am actually quite astute when it comes to the lives of others... but more than that i have been privileged (see how that works) enough to understand the bullshit.

she is providing me with a wonderful opportunity to experiment with feminist therapy. well, my clients are definitely providing me that opportunity, but i can be more militant with her. naming injustices, validating worth, processing feelings, deconstructing thoughts. challenging standards, questioning discourses, opposing oppression.

what the hell do all those words even mean?

it means that undocumented migrant workers who live in horrible conditions to make money to send back to families living in crisis are disenfranchised PEOPLE. not illegal ALIENS. it means that breaking down the word illegal and combining it with a human being is actually quite disgusting if you think about it.

it means that the prison system is a nightmare. a racist, capitalist, backwards ass shithole.

it means that we are all in positions of power relative to other people. this power is constructed based on factors including socioeconomic status, gender, race, sexual orientation, age, and ability. with power comes privileges.

i did not appreciate the privilege a healthy body offered me until i broke my ankle. in my former conservative days i might have bitched about high costs of offering accessibility for people who are physically challenged. the utility and necessity of doors that open automatically, of elevators, and nearby parking spots became immediately salient.

an invisible reality suddenly became a very visible truth. privilege is often invisible to the privileged. and the more privilege, the more power. and unfortunately, those with the most power often are not interested in operations of social responsibility, compassion, and justice.

it has been a wonderful experience for me to watch my friend "get it" and begin to heal. what's cooler is that i did not have to convince her of anything, i merely pointed out specific actions that i saw as unjust and stated it. that situation began a dialogue about the roles in her life and the mounting distress she was experiencing. my primary 'intervention' would be reframing her words back to her in a way that was validating, rather than depreciating.

so when she said she 'lost it, went nuts, is crazy' etc. i told her she is a NORMAL woman who is having a natural reaction to unjust realities. it is amazing how powerful (heh) a reframe can be. it is amazing how courageous and brilliant this woman is. i hope her journey is rich with meaning, and that she finds some of her distress alleviated. i hope her family can adjust and ultimately benefit, even though it may take a while.

it's a trip that she finds such comfort in me. it's weird that i went through so much. it's awesome that i was able to channel some of my prior pain and suffering to aide someone else. and another therapist at that!

looking back, it would have been nice to have a little holly in my corner when all i needed was any kind word, as opposed to the prevailing discourse that called me crazy. it would have been nice to hear, "it's not you, baby. you're amazing. just the way you are."

maybe i'm crazy
maybe your crazy
maybe we're crazy
probably